After months of deliberating over starting a blog I have finally bit the bullet, got over my fears (partly) and begun the journey. What am I afraid of? Oh many many things! The biggest fear of all is the most ridiculous; people reading my blog posts! You may be thinking why on earth are you starting a blog if you don’t want people to read it? Well, talking to strangers must be easier than talking to people you know.
The reason I need to talk is because I am not just afraid of writing a blog and posting it into the big wide world, I am afraid of saying the wrong thing to my friends, losing control of my actions through sheer panic, causing tensions with the ones I love and quite frankly fucking up my life. All of these fears are because I suffer with anxiety and panic disorder.
Worry and anxiety are things that try to control people’s thoughts and actions and I hate to say it but in my case, it often wins. But sharing my thoughts with other people is something I need to improve on and this is where I am starting. Hopefully these blog posts will enable me to focus on something that is going to better me; speaking to complete strangers about the madness inside my head and maybe, just maybe, helping you on your journey with anxiety.
I know I am not alone. I know there are millions of people around the world who feel the exact same way as me. But I also know there are millions of people who don’t. I feel incredibly envious of these people who can block shitty thoughts out of their head and maintain control of their actions. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder why they don’t understand. It’s not fair of me to think that. Why should I inflict my anxious state onto other people and hope that they will do something about it? But when panic is hovering like a storm cloud above your head surrounding you in a bubble of questions and fear, all you want is for somebody to help it go away.